My sister is awesome

Not last night, but the night before, I got up to let Archie out for wee-wees four times.

Christian got up to let him out three times.

Jack had a nightmare and ended up in our bed. I love my son, but I don't sleep well pinned under the weight of a hot, restless five year old.

I decided I needed some sleep and moved into Jack's bed around 3am.

Maisie woke screaming around 4am.

We all got up to get ready for school at 6. As you can imagine, I looked pretty damn hot after 2 hours of broken sleep. Especially since I hadn't been able to find Jack's pillow in the dark (it was under his bed, obviously), so I had put Iggle Piggle under my head instead. Yep.

I wore five-day-old jeans, a dodgy t-shirt, and a polar fleece possibly carrying it's own life forms on the school run. I can't remember if I brushed my hair.

I dropped Archibald off at the vet's before school. Since it was raining hard enough to consider an ark, I ran in with my wet puppy in my arms, because I had forgotten to bring the lead. Clever.

After leaving Arch at the vets and the kids at kinder and school (I actually got that right for once), the Mouse and I went on our cleaning job. Maisie only threw one toy in the toilet.

I bet, at this point, you're pretty glad you're not me. I mean, it's funny and all (ha ha hardy ha ha). But you're still thinking to yourself "geez, I'm so glad I'm not that dirty, tired, pathetic specimen who smells of wet dog". You are, admit it. I would be too, if I wasn't me. Sigh.

I spent two hours with my sister Miffy after finishing my cleaning job. The Mouse snoozed on Miffy's baby bump, and then when she woke up, she spent over an hour chasing the dogs, the three-legged kitten, and the duck. Put simply, the Mouse was in heaven.

I was pretty darn happy myself. Besides being disgustingly filthy by this point, tired beyond reason and.....yeah, just really dirty, I was in a happy place. I had the company of my little blister, a soft, purring kitten curled into my lap, and a peanut butter sandwich. Seriously, the nicest afternoon I could have imagined. It was the highlight of my day. If I have to be me, at least I have my sister. She makes it worth it!!

But all good things have to come to an end. So after a few cups of tea and a failed attempt to teach the Mouse to say 'neigh' instead of 'woof' at pictures of horsies, we said goodbye to Aunty Miffy and went to collect Sir Archibald, newest canine eunuch. Despite his recent general anaesthetic, he was as bouncy as any normal border collie pup. Which is pretty bouncy.

The lovely vet nurse informed me that I had to keep him quiet for ten days. Which means no walks for five days, and then only five minute walks until his check up on the tenth day. No ball games, no chasing, minimal movement. I'm sorry - what? You're sending me home with one of the most energetic breeds you can get with instructions to keep him "quiet"??? Right then. Just shoot me now.

Picked up the kids while Archie cried in the car. Arrived home to find that our other dog, Daisy, who is confined to the house until her slipped disc heals, had done an 'accident' on the tiles in the hall. (We're talking a solid accident, people. A proper accident.) Cleaned up the accident without dry-heaving too much. Couldn't understand why the smell persisted. Checked Maisie's pants. Nope. Checked the cat litter. Nope. Walked into the bathroom. Ah. Found two more of Daisy's accidents piled in the bathroom. Big accidents. Huge.

Cleaned up the dog's accidents. Put the crying puppy to bed. Heard the words, "Mummy, Bella's done poos on the carpet!" Turned around to see our littler cat walk out of the litter box with some pesky faecal matter stuck to her paws and tail. Do you know how far a tiny cat can flick and kick poo when it's stuck annoyingly to her fur? Quite far, apparently.

Cleaned up the cat poo.

Fed and cleaned up the kids. Cleaned up Maisie's poo. Thankfully she didn't see the need to flick and kick it everywhere.

Heard Ernie, our big cat, having a fight with another cat outside. Let him in the front door. Watched him walk rain, hain, bits of tree, mud and blood down the hall. Put him to bed after soothing him and giving him some food and water.

Cleaned up the cat blood.

Last night, I only got up to Archie four times. Maisie only screamed for fifteen minutes at 4.15am.

We were only five minutes late to school this morning.

Sure, we got caught in the hail coming back to the car after school tonight. But you know, it's only ice. And freezing water.

Fed, bathed and put the kids to bed by myself tonight, since Christian is out with the school debating team. The cats are in bed. The dogs aren't crying or pooing on the floor. The kids are asleep. The kitchen is a bomb site. Never mind. I may be a grotty, late, sleep-deprived wench with a penchant for messy pets, but at least I have an awesome sister. You can't ask for more than that.