Flying solo

Christian left me early this morning.

I can't say it came as a shock. I've known this was on the cards for some time. Even still, it seemed to happen so suddenly that I didn't really think about what was happening until he walked away. And then he was gone.

The kids haven't noticed any difference yet. It's always me who takes them to school and kinder, and it's always me who collects them. So Daddy's absence probably won't be noticed until dinner time, at which point I will have to explain. Daddy has gone away. He won't be back for dinner, or for bath time, or to tuck them in. He won't be here to read stories, or to entertain Maisie Mouse while I attempt to clean up after dinner. He won't be there in the middle of the night, when someone wets their bed, and someone else needs a drink, and someone else has a bad dream. It's just Mummy, all on her own.

I know that really, Christian's leaving has nothing to do with me. I didn't do or say anything wrong; he grew to accept the unfolded washing on the couch long ago. He has never grumbled about having baked beans on toast because I was too disorganised to throw anything decent together. He had, apparently, come to terms with my unhealthy addiction to Tupperware (or so he said). And his recent adoption of the title "blogging widower" gave me the impression he didn't mind the time I spent on the laptop, but found it all rather amusing. However.

This morning he packed a bag with a few essentials, kissed the kids, and walked away. I don't know how I am going to cope. Well actually, I do know - just as when Christian worked 18 hour days last year, I will feed, clean, and cuddle the kids; feed, water and cuddle the pets; and wave a duster at the house and pretend I'm Samantha from Bewitched doing the housework. But at bed time, when I have to lock the house up by myself, and curl up in the middle of my bed by myself, and keep the boogy men away from the kids by myself - that's when I'll struggle. I have quite a few friends who are single mummies, and I simply don't know how they do it. Without exception, they are strong, confident, wonderful women who do the jobs of both Mum and Dad every day, with a smile on their faces (and in the cases of a few, fabulous hair too!) I look at them, and am in awe of their strength. (There's some major love coming your way, chicks! You know who you are xxx)

So now the Mouse is waking up, and there is more work than usual to be done. I'm going to make a cuppa, roll my sleeves up, and pretend that all is normal. Thank you for listening to my sooky la-la whinging - I promise there will be no more. And when Christian comes back from school camp with the Year 8's on Friday, there will be four very happy little campers waiting for him at home!