I am so annoyed with myself tonight...nay...irritated is the word I need to describe how I feel. My vertebrae completely deserted me today, and I have no idea why.
I was chatting to some of the other mums at the school pick-up. We were discussing this Friday's mini-fete, and the cake stall that our Preps are hosting. (Actually, if I am to be accurate, the cake stall that our Prep Mums are hosting...the kids have bugger-all to do with it!!) I had not met a couple of these ladies, so we just made chit-chat about the fete in general, and last year's cake stall. After a few minutes of discussing how we were going to manage the logistics of wrapping and labelling the baked goods, talk turned to the time we had available to help out. I mentioned that I was busy working on Thursday, so I could give some time tomorrow and Friday. "Oh, what do you do?" asked one of the other mums. And I bent my head apologetically and replied, "I clean houses and tutor school kids. I'm really a teacher. But right now I clean houses." As though I was ashamed of it!!
I have no idea where this reaction came from. That's why I'm so cross with myself. Throughout this whole unemployment debacle, I have held my head high, knowing that I did everything I could to try and find a teaching position. And when that didn't eventuate, I went out and found a couple of little jobs that would bring in a trickle of money to help us out. Each week, I take the Mouse with me on my cleaning job, which means that it takes me a bit longer than if I went solo. I figure she'd be with me if I was cleaning our own house, so what's the difference? At least we're together. Once a week (and soon to be twice a week) I leave the kids and Christian during an evening to go tutoring.
I don't think there's anything wrong with any type of work, if you're doing it to keep your family afloat (I am, of course, excluding paid Mafia-type hitmen jobs and things that are naughty and illegal. Of course.) And I certainly don't see anything wrong with being a cleaning lady. As a matter of fact, I am absolutely loving the fact that I am a stay-at-home mum, able to be there for my kids when they are sick, when they need to be picked up and dropped off, to have the time to make a nice home for them without being rushed off my feet after a long day at work. I am revelling in the time spent with the Mouse every day, and with Phoebalina when she is not dancing her way through a day at kinder. I would happily be an "unemployed" (read: unpaid) SAHM forever...but financially it's just not possible.
And that's where my little jobs come into the picture. Why I cringed, I don't know. Sure, I'm not contributing to my superannuation, or improving my teaching ability while scrubbing floors, or using my university education. But there's nothing wrong with honest work, especially when it means I can be at home with my babies, which is what I want. I have, to be completely honest, seen my lack of employment this year as a blessing. Sure, we might be strapped for cash, but I am home with my kids!! So when I see the mums at school pick-up tomorrow, and I have pruney hands from cleaning bathrooms, and a sweaty t-shirt from vacuuming and mopping, and bags under my eyes from tutoring a 15 year old until 9:30pm, I will be proud. I will hold my head high, with it's undyed regrowth clearly visible, and walk through the playground rejoicing in the fact that my "mummy" clothes are far more comfortable than my "teacher" clothes. And I will take the small earnings from my little jobs to buy the ingredients to make an awesome cake for the Prep fete stall, because I want my son to proud of me. And goodness knows, he doesn't care what job I do, as long as I'm there at hometime to pick him up.
1 comment:
I know exactly where you're coming from Sal. I cleaned houses for a six months while we were living in QLD. At first, I too was a little embarrassed to admit it, but then I came to see it as a blessing. The job gave me flexibility, I was my own boss and the extra money (though not great) sure helped out. But most of all, I came to see myself as a vital part of my clients' days. We all love to come home to a tidy house - it can make even the crappiest day seem better and restores our balance and sense of peace. And you're providing that. So hold your head up high and get yourself some business cards - Director of Harmonious Domestic Relations has a nice ring to it :)
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