The Tail-Gate Tease

I drove a long, long way and didn't really get anywhere in the course of today. I drove to school, and dropped Jack off for a day of high jinks with the other Preppies. I drove to my MIL's house, and dropped the girlies off for a morning of giggles and fun with Grandma. (So far, my children were definitely the winners of today, I can tell you!!! Staying with Grandma is always a happy, happy day - coming with Mummy not so much!) I drove to a doctor's appointment for myself, and then drove myself back to pick the girls up. I drove home to give the girls a play and sigh sadly at my mountains of unfolded washing (has anyone noticed how often I blog about washing? Perhaps if I blogged less often and emptied my washing baskets more regularly this problem would cease and desist...perhaps if I had a glass of wine with breakfast this would actually happen...???) I drove back to school to collect Jack. I drove home again. I can only imagine how horrific my carbon footprint is. Perhaps a bit like the giant at the top of the beanstalk.

Whilst driving my many, many kilometres today, I realised something about myself that is not particularly nice. And, I might add, something I do not intend to change, not in the slightest. I like to tease tail-gaters.

You see, around here, there are many "rural" roads complete with rough edges, bendy corners, gravel verges and more than a few hills. There are sections of highway, scores of roundabouts, and more roadworks than is healthy. Having grown up in this area, I have learned the various nuances of the local roads that make them safe, or dangerous, or slippery when covered in cow poo. I have become familiar with short-cuts, stop signs that people ignore, and places where you are guaranteed to be overtaken. I am also exceptionally aware of places where horrific accidents have occurred, and in particular, where people I know and love have been seriously hurt, or killed.

And because on top of all this, I have three rather precious parcels in my backseat most of the time, I drive very, very carefully. If there's a speed limit, that's where you'll find me. Double line?? Not crossing it. There are even some roads around here that I refuse to overtake on, simply because I know the twists and turns in the road that are coming up, as well as the pot holes, the corrugated gravel on the side of the road, and the koala crossing that is hidden around a bend.

As a result of all this, I quite often find lead-footed people behind me shaking their fists and brandishing pitchforks. All of which I find exceptionally amusing. Coming back from the doctor's today, I was on a very windy, hilly road, which is currently undergoing major roadworks. It is quite narrow, has a very deceptive hairpin corner and has a speed limit of 100km. Due to the work being done on this road, I got stuck behind a huge truck. The road was wet from early morning rain, the truck was laden with rock, and there was a steady stream of traffic coming from the opposite direction. Even if I'd been inclined to overtake, I couldn't have.

The woman behind me was so close, I'm sure she could have picked my nose for me. I realised she was there when I copped an eyeful of her in my wing mirror, and couldn't see the front of her car, only the windscreen. I kept a safe distance behind the truck, and watched her fury mount. I'm not quite sure what she wanted me to do, but I realised that I had unwittingly begun applying the brakes uber-carefully, and was accelerating very gently. Every time she got close to my bumper, I touched the brakes lightly - however, this was a hard-core tailgater. This did not bother her in the slightest. So I waited until a particularly dicey corner was coming up, and braked hard (safely, though - I promise!! Would I do anything rash and stupid??)

The screech of brakes, fishtailing rear-end, and the distance that appeared between our cars gave me huge satisfaction. And that is when I knew - I am a tail-gate tease. I enjoy driving like a granny when I know it's bugging the person behind me. I get a kick out of seeing their blood pressure rise when all I am doing is obeying road rules and sticking to the speed limit. I adore not being in a hurry when the person behind me has two minutes to reach their destination or perish. I realise that this probably makes me a horrible person. That they are probably not driving recklessly simply because they think they can, but because there is something terribly important for them to get to.

But the way I look at it is this: you want to drive dangerously? You want to act like an idiot on the road for the sake of five minutes? You want to act cool and drive fast, because you are invincible and an excellent driver? Do me a favour, and do it elsewhere. I choose to be a sensible driver. I choose to take the necessary precautions on the road to not endanger my children's lives. I choose to look out for other drivers who might hit a slippery patch, or blow out a tyre, or brake suddenly when a dog runs into the road. I choose not to behave in a way that might see me take another person's life.

And so, my friends, there you have it. My ugly confession for the day. I am a tail-gate tease, and proud of it! C'mon, join the cause! I dare you.