A close friend of mine was in labour today. If you're anything like me, when one of your girlfriends is in labour you think about them all day, wondering if everything is ok and if they've welcomed their little bundle yet. I was on my way to the doctors in Mt.Martha this morning, Phoebs and Mais in tow, (the dreaded mastitis had struck again last night, and I was in agonies!) when Triple M played 'Lightning Crashes' by Live. Silly me stopped chattering inanely to my girls and listened closely to the lyrics. Big mistake. Before I knew it, I had chills running up and down my arms, and the tears were pricking behind my eyes. I had never really paid much attention to the song beyond the chorus (and admittedly, this was usually after several drinks at PA's during my uni days a looooooooooong time ago!) so I knew vaguely what it was about. Today, I heard every syllable and it made me very emotional (probably the sore booby too, but you get that!). Birth is exhilarating, wonderful, painful and scary. We take safe birthing for granted these days, but it is still amazing that mothers and babies survive such an arduous process every day.
I have so many wonderful friends who achieved natural deliveries for their children, some easily (and of course, I use this term very loosely!) and others with a great degree of difficulty. Even with the most straightforward of deliveries, it is an incredible achievement to gestate and give birth to a baby. It is no secret that I envy those who managed to deliver naturally, as it was something I never doubted I would be able to do until the crunch time came. Even four years after Jack's birth I find myself still questioning what went wrong, and what I could have done differently to avoid a caesarean. Logically I know that it was not my fault, and the most important outcome is a healthy baby and mum. After 20 hours of labour, 5 hours of pushing, failed forceps and a failed ventouse, obviously I was delighted to be handed a beautiful, alert, if somewhat battered, baby boy. It just took me a very long time to accept that a caesarean is not a failure. There is not a neon sign on my forehead proclaiming me to be a faux-mummy.
When I went to the obstetrician with a tiny weeny foetal Phoebe in my tummy, I asked about VBAC and was given an irrevocable NO as an answer. (Actually, he very gently asked if I wanted a dead baby or a healthy one...hmmm. Let me think about that for a nanosecond!) Phoebe and Maisie both had scheduled caesareans because it took Jack's birth to figure out my hips were not in fact "childbearing" (despite their generous external appearance!) I always hated it when people asked why we were having an "elective" caesar, because in my mind there wasn't a choice involved. If I wanted to have babies, I only had one way to get them out. So as you can see, I have had my fair share of angst over childbirth, and to some extent am still working through my issues!!!! (Remember when the psychologist raised her eyebrow at me the other day?? Think she was on to me??!!) What I need to remind myself of every day is to be grateful for my family. My children are healthy enough to be cheeky some of the time and I have not completely ruined them yet (I hope!) I only need to look at them and see the chubby limbs, long eyelashes, the veins under their pale skin, and their big blue eyes and realise how amazing it is that they are here at all.
And what of my lovely friend in hospital today? Well, as I sit here, cabbage leaves in my bra, Jack cuddling his (reinstated) teddy on the couch, Phoebe nursing her temperature next to me, and Maisie squealing at a toy on the floor, there is a family enjoying their new baby son. Regardless of how he arrived (scalpel, suction, or completely unfettered), what does it matter? Isn't his Mummy simply clever for making him at all? Congratulations and much love to Kate, Geoff, Jordan, Grace and Ariel on the safe arrival of William. We wish him a lifetime of love, happiness, challenges and reaching for the stars.
1 comment:
Sal you are an amazing woman, you have made 3 lives in 4 years in your body and that in it's self is truely amazing. In 42 more sleeps (I think, I forgot to look at the big count down numbers on my calender)I will be celebrating the aniversary of the best day of my life, yes my baby turns 9 and I am amazed how quick that time has gone. While I was pregnant 'Lightning Crashes" was in the charts and play many times on the radio and I sang it to my bump, and the other day I was driving with said nearly 9 yo who was giving me attitude and instead of arguing back with her, I held her hand and said I love her and that this is a song I used to sing to her in my tummy and it changed the atmosphere instantly.
I too didn't get the birth I had planned for, I wanted to deliver at Rosebud in the relaxing and peaceful environment, but it was deemed my birth would be high risk so it was off too Frankston I went. I laboured through the night and just as the sun was rising was ready to deliver. All the things I didn't want I got in terms of atmosphere and surrondings but when push came to shove I didn't care. I was there to meet the most important person in my life and I could of been at Flinders St Station for all I cared. I delievered in a total natural birth with one push to get the whole little person out and thats what counted that I had my child not where I was or how she came out or the fact that her face had a "Storks Birthmark" she was perfect in my eyes.
I have a friend who has 2 adopted children and I some times go to talk about births and I have to remind myself that even though she didn't go through pregnancy,labour and childbirth, she has suffered a pain that I will never experience of not being able to grow a human and that we are all lucky to be parents.
Keep writing your AMAZING blogs Super Mum
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