Struggletown

I have spent all day today craving naughty things. It's been a long time since I've been even remotely swayed, but today I struggled badly. You know what I'm talking about. Chocolate. Sourdough bread. Peanut butter. Chocolate. Lasagne. Cheese. Chocolate. Considering the fact that Mais and I hunkered down inside today and cleaned like fiends (well, I cleaned madly in an attempt to escape my food demons, and she watched from her activity centre and laughed her little cotton socks off at my antics), I think my efforts at resisting the forbidden foods were admirable.

Did I mention the elimination diet??

Before you misunderstand me, I am not on a crazy post-baby weight-loss diet. I fall very definitely into the camp of women-who-cannot-lose-weight-while-breastfeeding-even-if-their-lives-depend-on-it. I know this because I could not lose an ounce before Jack was 10 months old and he weaned himself, and then it all seemed to sort itself out (as long as I steered clear of the obvious speed humps!!) I know that I ate my way through PND after Phoebe couldn't breastfeed, which would explain why the weight didn't drop until I dropped the plate. Maisie is currently approaching the 8 month mark with gusto, and although I have no intentions of weaning her, I am crossing my fingers that the body will start resuming something close to a normal shape in the near future. But I digress.

When Jack was very, very tiny, I visited a naturopath about his colic and eczema, and tried an elimination diet to see if any of the foods I was eating were affecting him. I think a few people thought I was crackers, but I was willing to try anything if it stopped his red raw, bleeding skin and screaming. It turned out that he was extremely allergic to eggs and dairy food, and to this day is under the care of a specialist paediatrician. When Maisie started presenting the same symptoms a few months ago, I thought the logical thing to do would be to try eliminating foods again. This time I had the help of my beautiful friend Holly, who is now my naturopath (and one of Phoebe's favourite people!). We decided to eliminate not only eggs, dairy and wheat, but also a group called salicylates. In a healthy nutshell, basically I removed all foods except rice, leeks, celery, carrots, meat, fish, soy products and golden syrup from my diet. Although it sounds dreadful, the results were evident in Maisie's skin almost immediately which made it completely worth the effort. It has also forced me to become inventive in my cooking (although the humble roast has featured rather heavily on our dinner table of late!!) and buy lots of fresh food. Whenever I crave something sweet, I have golden syrup on toast (oat bread, of course!!) or this gorgeous apple butter I found in the health food shop for hippies. It hasn't been that difficult, and when I go out for coffee I just order a decaf soy latte and endure the raised eyebrows.

But today, oh today I struggled. I was the number one citizen in Struggletown. All I could think of was eating all the things that would make my baby sick, and what sort of mother would I be if I sacrificed that creamy eczema-free skin for a slice of pizza?? So I did what all mothers are exceptionally good at doing: I played pretend. Craving raisin toast? Have some puffed rice instead. Desperate for thick crusty bread with peanut butter? Have some wheat-free bread with salmon and soy cream cheese. Is it chocolate you're after? Look out the window and dream!!!!!! My darling husband is currently cranking up the coffee machine to make me my nighttime decaf soy latte (the bonuses of no caffeine!!) which will stem the hunger pangs and hopefully keep my sweet tooth happy for another day. And my sweet little bubba is fast asleep, without scratching, or puking, or screaming....and that in itself is enough for me to know that although I may have been in Struggletown today, it would seem that we have left the city limits. And tomorrow? What am I going to do tomorrow? Tomorrow, I am going to face my demons head on, stare them down, and then bake the wickedest egg/dairy/wheat-free cake that I can possibly dream up, and devour the lot!!!!